Forget Forever, Let's Just Get Through Today

Letting go of the concept of 'forever' is liberating

It was 31st January 2020, exactly one year ago today, that I arrived in Uist after a three day journey and started my new life. At the age of 50, I finally felt a deep sense of home for the first time in my entire life.

I had kept one eye on living in the Outer Hebrides for almost ten years. I’d even considered trying to keep my former job in London and commuting. That was soon dismissed for being as ludicrous as it sounds.

Despite being the perfect house in the perfect place, and being a house that felt like Home the second I first walked through the door, there was something that a friend said at the time that made me feel a little uncomfortable.

‘You’ve finally found your Forever Home!’ she enthused.

The mere mention of the word forever filled me with dread. The euphoria of arriving in Uist temporarily drained from my being as I went from feeling joyful to feeling trapped.

‘No,’ I replied, ‘This might not be my Forever Home. It could be, but it might not be. All I know is that today, it is utterly perfect.’

In the Western World we are surrounded by a romantic interpretation of forever. As such, we can end up bending ourselves out of shape to try and make forever fit, when it becomes ever clearer that the situation is not a healthy one.

How many people have clung on to unhealthy relationships, difficult situations, or even abuse, because they are attached to this idyllic notion of forever?

I ended up in a very poor state less than two years ago because I had clung to the idea of being a full-time Airstream traveller way longer than was healthy. In hindsight, I’d had enough after about five years, but I forced myself to put in another three years before my body simply packed up until I took notice of what was going on. Thank you, body, for the crappiest few months of my life. But it really did need to happen. My life has been blissful since I let go of forever and opened my eyes to today.

There’s another problem I have with forever. Forever does not respect our mortality.

In my humble opinion, an unhealthy aspect of Western thinking is that our own mortality is rarely discussed. In his book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, author Mark Manson goes on to talk about how some folk go to great pains to create a legacy just so their egos can live on for generations, long after their bodies have expired. Effectively, trying to create a legacy, to make your mark, to be remembered… it’s trying to prolong your life, even if it’s just your ego living on.

Personally, I think that being mindful of our mortality, and letting go of the idea that anything is forever, is a joyous and healthy thing. By doing so we are gently reminding ourselves at every opportunity that now is all we have. We remind ourselves that our time on this planet is perilously short. Keeping this brevity of life in mind we are more likely to make the most out of every opportunity that comes our way, and are less likely to put something off until some time later.

How grateful am I that I made the move to Uist before March 2020 and the beginning of the pandemic? Even on the bluest of Lockdown Days — and my goodness, we all get them — I can always cheer myself up with the thought that I’m living out Lockdown in a beautiful place where I feel very much at home. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if I was cooped up in a tiny space in a place I didn’t want to be.

Who knows, I may end up living in this house for the next forty years and eventually leave it feet-first in a box. On the other hand, my life might change dramatically in an unforeseen way, and I could end up moving to another place next year or in ten years time. Without having the ball and chain of forever weighing me down, I’m free to move through life without unnecessary burden, taking any opportunity that I fancy along the way.

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Blown Away

While it was a year ago today I moved to Uist, it was a week ago today that I released a video announcing my break from YouTube for a couple of months.

I’d been doing OK with not having taken a break for four years, not having my Airstream for two years, and living through the pandemic for a year. I was hanging in there.

However, it was hard to remain positive after the massive disappointment of the UK’s over-promised and under-delivered Christmas. Despite repeated reassurances to the contrary, the plug was pulled (as it needed to be) on our Christmas just one week beforehand. Another Lockdown arrived, and then just as I was managing to function on Reserve, some content pirates on YouTube stole my content, reengineered it, and made good money on the back of it. It was done in such a way that a Copyright Infringement procedure would be a long and drawn-out manual process. As my mother would say…

That put the tin hat on it.

In the week since I made that announcement, I have been blown away by the response. Utterly stunned.

Within an hour, the perpetrators had been hit with so many angry messages from my wonderful subscribers that they took the video down. I’ve had so many coffees bought for me, and received so many supportive messages, that I am still going through all my Thank Yous. I’m utterly blown away and I can’t thank everybody enough.

YouTube is an insatiable content machine, and it is extremely hard not to fall into the trap of constantly feeding it, even if you’re not satisfied with what you have produced. However, more and more examples of Quality Triumphing Over Quantity are coming to the fore, just like my latest favourite channel.

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What I’m Watching

A few months ago I discovered Daniel Titchener’s videos. Daniel is a trained architect and makes top-quality videos about two of my favourite things: Minimalism and Design.

His content is top notch. Extremely well produced, a clean aesthetic, and he himself narrates beautifully.

It was no surprise to see that he recently broke the 100,000 Subscriber threshold. What was a surprise was that he did so after uploading just 15 videos. That is amazing, and testament to his hard work. It’s also encouraging to those of us who shun the cheap and shouty sensationalism that we are always being told will get the subs.

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Thank you.